yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
