"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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