so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Panties = found
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
