I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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