I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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