Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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