You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
