what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Just cropdusted the office
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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