turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
