I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
