Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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