The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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