I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
