Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
