just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
