I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
