Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
you never un-have a 4some
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
