My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
