Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I think i peed on brittanys purse
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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