Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
