our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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