Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
