The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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