so explain again why im purple
no
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
