Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
