he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
