We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
