you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
