and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
