I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
