Her vagina should come with caution tape.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
