Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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