My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
her vagine was all disorganized.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
