apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
