oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Who died my cat blue again?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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