please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
