If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
There's a naked man in my car right now.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
