Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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