she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
