He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
