Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
