Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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