Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
