Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You made out with two different species that night
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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