Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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