on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
