i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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