That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
