he shaved USA in his pubs
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
