Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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