Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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