Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
