Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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