I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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